And the Hostess is Wearing Pajamas

Always up for a party, I was excited when my good friend recently invited me to her friend’s home for an everything exchange. Upon arriving with my huge 18 gallon tub AND garbage bag, both packed to the brim with clothing and home decorations begging to be passed on to new homes, one of the first things I noticed about the hostess was that she was wearing pajamas. PAJAMAS! This was not a pajama party. My friend and I, excited to have an evening out, were wearing cute outfits adorned with jewelry. Yet the hostess was wearing pajamas. And somehow, I loved it.

I also noticed that her four kids were running around, having fun. There were a few toys on her floors. Her kitchen counters were decorated with the dinner dishes and leftovers from that evening. And she was calmly standing in the kitchen (did I mention in her pj’s?) spreading peanut butter on celery sticks for her party. She wasn’t apologizing for not having everything ready. She wasn’t yelling at her kids to calm down. There was no stress in her appearance whatsoever, regardless of the fact that she was expecting a house full of women. Any minute.

As I surveyed this scene, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. A spark of freedom fill my veins.

Although it was obvious that this woman took care of her home- it was nicely decorated, clean and organized- she had no problem with twenty women arriving and not finding perfection. It was okay that her kids were making noise. It was fine that the house wasn’t completely perfect. No big deal that she wasn’t in her best outfit. Showing us perfection was not her intention in inviting us into her home. I believe that her intention was to bless us, and that is exactly what she did.

And while I was standing there processing all of this, it struck me that this is what true hospitality is. Not only inviting people over to see our very best performances- the quiet candlelit home with homemade decorations, fresh flowers and a meal which we spent all day preparing. But also inviting them in to share our every day life- floors tracked with muddy footprints, noise, dust, dirty dishes.

In middle school I began babysitting regularly for a wonderful family and I continued doing odd jobs for them all the way until I had my first baby. The woman of the home, Janis, is a woman that I love dearly and has been a special person in my life.  I remember her once telling me that while speaking at different mom groups she would hold up a jar of dirt for all of the women to see and tell them that this dirt is what often keeps us from showing Christ to one another. From opening up our homes and offering the kind of hospitality that God calls us to. She would exclaim to them, “It’s only DIRT.”

One time Janis told me that she was trying to become a more hospitable person, which blew me away. How was it POSSIBLE to become more hospitable than this woman who whips me up a gourmet meal every time I visit Michigan and spontaneously knock on her door unannounced to say hello? I remember responding to her puzzling comment by exclaiming, “But you are already so hospitable! Just look at your Christmas parties!”

OHHHHHH, her CHRISTMAS PARTIES. Every time I attend one I feel like I’ve entered the set of a movie. Complete with a choir singing on the beautiful staircase, catered food, exquisite holiday decor and the most incredible dessert assortment I’ve ever seen. Rock candy on wooden sticks, Middle Eastern treats, cakes, chocolates……..AHHHH…..my dream come true!!

But when I mentioned this to her, she immediately shook her head and said, “No, that’s not hospitality. That is entertaining.”

Ten years later, I think I finally understand what she meant. People can most certainly be blessed and feel special by the effort we put into hand made decorations, a beautiful atmosphere and fancy foods. And these things can be a fun expression of our love, creativity and artistic talents. They can help make a celebration even more special. But as Janis was trying to teach me so many years ago, they are not the heart of hospitality.

And I think sometimes spending all of that time making everything perfect can be a little more for ourselves than for our guests, if we’re brutally honest with ourselves. I read something recently that spoke to me. I’m not positive, but I think it was from Ann Voskamp. (My very favorite writer- check out her beautiful heart and writing at http://www.holyexperience.com). It said, “They didn’t come to see you. They came to see God.” I’ve been trying to keep that in mind lately, when guests are about to arrive and I haven’t found time to mop the rainy day-muddy floors. When friends pop in unexpectedly and I haven’t gotten to wash the dishes yet. When my party is about to start and I haven’t been able to get to scrubbing the mud-streaked slider doors. They’re not here to see me. They’re not here to see me. They’re not here to see my house. They’re not here to be entertained or impressed or blown away by my homemaking skills or my food or my outfit. They’re here to see God. To feel His love. To feel His peace and His embrace.

So if you are in a season of life right now, like me, that forces you to choose between a)never invite people over because you’ll never have the time to make things perfect or b)invite people over while you’re still in your pajamas surrounded by toys, kids and dirty dishes……

PLEASE! Go for the perfectly imperfect!! The perfection of our homes/clothes/preparations can never outshine making our guests feel at home. Showing true interest in their lives and in their hearts. Giving encouragement or just a listening ear. Showing the peace and joy of Christ. Offering them a drink or something to eat and creating a safe place for them to just be. While being offered this sort of hospitality, no one is going to feel less blessed because our floors were dirty!

I’ve always loved the verse Hebrews 13:2 “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”

The thought of showing hospitality to an ANGEL without knowing it sends shivers down my spine! It doesn’t say to show perfection. Just hospitality. Maybe the Hebrew word there even means “in your pajamas”.  (PastorHusband- put away your Hebrew Dictionary- I’m KIDDING.)

I wonder how often we have confused Christian hospitality with entertaining?

I wonder how many angels we have missed out on?

I’m pretty sure I’ve missed a few.